master cleanse. FINISHED.

So i finished the master cleanse last Sunday. and it was the best feeling ever to eat again... I just spent a few days eating grapes and fresh OJ. I ended it being 144. But as soon as you go off it and start eating solids again the weight just piles back on. I'm now at 150.5. I feel like it was just a complete waste of 10 days of my life. But I also feel like i could have come off it better, eating less etc, so its kinda made me want to repeat the process again. but better.

Now i'm depressed that i'm 150. and i have the metabolism of like errrr.. a fat person. I dno someone with a really shit metabolism. that's now me. I feel like if i'd never done the MC I would've lost the same just restricting but it would've actually stayed off. Now i just feel shit.

I have a ball to go to on the 14th June. I bought a size 8 dress off asos (no size 10s left and they're not getting any more stock), and it just doesn't fit me. it zips half way up and then its like naaaaah not budging from here. Gutted. I really want to keep it because it looks so good, but i need to lose a lot before it zips up and i'm not sure if i'll do it in time.

I was flicking through old fb pictures earlier and my mate pointed out a picture of me last year and was like oh my god. you look so thin here, like you're legs/shoulders/face/everything look good. that was when i was doing atkins, and eating high calorie - just meat and veg and mayo all the time.

I don't know what to do. I've got exams at the moment so going back on the master cleanse is definitely not ideal. But i NEED to get down to 133 by 14th June. NEED TO. Or at least get down to 140.

I've fucked up my body so much with dieting. I want my metabolism back.  heeeeeeeeeeeelp!