Saturday, 31 December 2011


I am an absolute joke. I lasted around 4 days. Then it was christmas day and blahhhh, I got fat(er).

New year. New start and all that.



Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Day 1.

So day 1. I don't think it's been too bad at all. I realised today that I never get hungry, I don't think I ever allow myself to because I eat when I think that I should.

I haven't felt hungry all day, but I caved and ate a small portion of tomato soup i'm not even sure why... it was homemade so should be around 100 calories if not less. I have been super busy so the only exercise I've managed  is walking... lame i know. I'll step it up tomorrow.

Monday, 19 December 2011

20th December 2011.

Technically it's still the 19th, but seen as it's turned 12 I'm accepting it as a new day and my new beginning.

I'm going to get some photos up when I can find some. I got a new computer so a lot of my old ones have been lost along the way but I'll trawl through facebook and have a look for some thin pics - and i'll take some of me now to put up.

At the moment I'm eating loads. I thought when I came back from university for christmas it'd sort me out but it hasn't at all. I always give myself excuses to eat. Stupid things like... Oh well I need to go to the gym... I need to do some work... I need to do this&that so i need energy from food to do them.  DO I FUCK! as of today I don't need food. I need water. green tea. and exercise.

One of the things I want more than anything is thigh gap. It's beautiful. It's one of those things I had and took forgrated because I didn't realise how fucking hot my body was.

Today I'm starting my restriction. Personally, I don't think I'm going to be strong enough to not eat christmas dinner. Therefore I'm restricting until the 24th. and then going hardcore from the 26th.

Think Thin beauties! <3

A beginning.

This is the beginning. In 2012 I aim to be at least be comfortable with myself. I definitely need to get down to at least 135 pounds by the start of February.

I'm 6ft. 154 pounds.

I'm completely obsessed with my weight. I always have been. But it's like I purposely forget the times when I'm thin, I can get too comfortable with myself and my friends and I completely let things slip.

4 years ago I was bulimic, I had been for a year. I wouldn't say I was completely bulimic now I think about it but it was enough to take over. I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, he knew everything about me and after 6 months and a very drunken night I told him, I'm not even sure why, maybe for attention? But I did. Something inside me changed then, it's like I didn't need to be anymore because he just made me completely comfortable. I broke up with him last year, and as he knew that was the one thing that hurt me more than anything he took advantage of it... texting me and calling me constantly calling me fat and ugly and disgusting. This pretty much went on on&off until now.

I don't know why the constant abuse didn't turn me bulimic again. It was like something was stopping me. I would eat a lot more. and only very occasionally I was sick. I would say I've put on about a stone and a half over the last year. I know right... disgusting. It feels so good that I can actually say all this stuff, all the stuff that I have pretended doesn't bother me and shrugged off and lied about.

Well this is me. Fixing myself. Thinking thin again.