A beginning.

This is the beginning. In 2012 I aim to be at least be comfortable with myself. I definitely need to get down to at least 135 pounds by the start of February.

I'm 6ft. 154 pounds.

I'm completely obsessed with my weight. I always have been. But it's like I purposely forget the times when I'm thin, I can get too comfortable with myself and my friends and I completely let things slip.

4 years ago I was bulimic, I had been for a year. I wouldn't say I was completely bulimic now I think about it but it was enough to take over. I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, he knew everything about me and after 6 months and a very drunken night I told him, I'm not even sure why, maybe for attention? But I did. Something inside me changed then, it's like I didn't need to be anymore because he just made me completely comfortable. I broke up with him last year, and as he knew that was the one thing that hurt me more than anything he took advantage of it... texting me and calling me constantly calling me fat and ugly and disgusting. This pretty much went on on&off until now.

I don't know why the constant abuse didn't turn me bulimic again. It was like something was stopping me. I would eat a lot more. and only very occasionally I was sick. I would say I've put on about a stone and a half over the last year. I know right... disgusting. It feels so good that I can actually say all this stuff, all the stuff that I have pretended doesn't bother me and shrugged off and lied about.

Well this is me. Fixing myself. Thinking thin again.